Since I haven't been here since April, let's begin with Mother's Day. My supportive sister Karen
My sister did send me a "happy mothers day" ecard.
Good thing we had these on hand.
But it was as awesome as a colonoscopy. The day ended with alcohol. And regret.
But thankfully regret goes well with alcohol.
I'm not sure yet if you take these to become one or avoid one. I'm experimenting.
But my crew does try to help sometimes. Just last week they decided to make me coffee before I got home from a long day at work. They've never done anything like that before.
Nor should they ever do it again! I'm not sure what I like most about this, the fact that they used whole coffee beans in my regular coffee pot or that they used a cupcake liner as a makeshift filter. Instead of using the ground coffee and filters sitting on the same shelf. Not that it ever matters to them where things are kept.
But nothing in my house goes where it should. Toothpaste, for example, is a hot commodity. If we were in prison, which most days I feel I am, toothpaste would be worth a pack of cigarettes. And with one functioning bathroom at the moment, in a household of seven, people are brushing their teeth under creative conditions.
Jesus, take the wheel.
If you've been here before you know nothing is put where it actually belongs.
I have given up.
I didn't even ask why deodorant was in my crockpot.
Do you remember the bandit who took the marshmallows out of all the hot cocoa packets? The bandit found the Lucky Charms.
Am I gonna talk anyone into eating this now?
So I mentioned ferrets. Yes, ferrets have
infested joined my household. My mini-me wanted a ferret. She had to have one. She bought it and got it on her birthday. We named him Gus. And Gus was fun and cute and very entertaining. He was also mischievous. He would find little places to hide from us. One morning I could not find him anywhere. I searched the house completely. Then I remembered I needed to empty the dishwasher that I ran that morning.
Oh the humanity!
I think I cried for two weeks. I lost my $h*t that morning. Thankfully, the "Pitt Bull Whisperer" was home and she helped me off the ledge. We buried Gus that very day. And then the mommy guilt set in.
So we now have three ferrets and two pitt bulls and a cat and fish and whatever else wanders up!
And they are mischievous! This one came pre-packaged!
If it's not enough for my own crew to drive me closer to my alcoholic predisposition, I can create my own mess. I don't usually talk about me here, unless it relates to being the mother of sweathogs but I did mention in February that I had a fella in my life, so I need to say one thing about that. Well....remember when Detective Elliot Stabler abruptly was just gone from Law & Order SVU? That kinda happened. And he wanted out of his contract anyway, so everyone is happy. Stay tuned.
And life is anything but boring. The people in my life help make it interesting. My kids, for example, decided to create a profile for me on Instagram because I needed to be hip and in touch with my people. I found out about it last week. They created my profile four years ago!
And to all of you who may know me or are one of the 87 people following me, I apologize now for anything you may have seen because that was not me! It was my progeny! And to the 42 people I am apparently following, I don't know who you are and why I am interested in you but I look forward to figuring all of this out in my spare time I plan on having in 2032.
This is why I have trust issues! Even my computer has betrayed me! Apparently, I am a LOSER!
Is it possible my knuckleheads did this? I just bought this computer a few weeks ago. It didn't take long to form an opinion about me.
Not exactly an exercise in self esteem.
This is every time I am on the damn thing!
So I've mentioned that I live in Mobile but the job is on the other side of Mobile Bay and I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn to get seven people moving in different directions and I'm always running late across that bay.
|This is in my immediate future|
Last week I ran out of my driveway with my crew still getting dressed in the car. I had to make a stop but when I got back in the car I was down one kid. "Where's Mini-Me?" "oh, she never got in the car", so as I peeled back to my driveway, there she was, sitting out front, backpack alongside, eye rolling. When she got in my prison bus van, she said "I knew you'd figure it out at some point". And not one of those asshats made a noise about the fact that I left one of them at home.
|My prison bus needs one of these "on board" signs|