Not one more bit of nonsense.
Losing baby weight was easier than this.
Grad school was easier than this.
I think telepathy would be easier than this. At least if I had telepathy I could do something about it!
My kids cannot be this senseless. They must be doing this on purpose. Could I really be raising an army of sloths? Stupid sloths who actually make more work to avoid?! What are they gonna do when they grow up and
When you're running late making school lunches while you're also looking for matching school socks, it's super craptastic to find the last jelly jar in the fridge like this. Since they left the lunchmeat out for no good reason (like to feed the dog my $7 a pound Boar's Head) and I had to toss it, they got to take delicious sandwiches of peanut butter and nothing. Mmmmm, goes down easy. Like clay.
Want some hot cocoa? Like marshmallows? So do I. Ever open a packet of Swiss Miss with marshmallows only to find out a snarky kid you gave life to, has opened your last packet just to pick out every last marshmallow? Leaving you with cocoa mixed with whatever was on their grubby little hands. No thanks kids. I'm full.
Need a toothbrush? Guess what else in my house they NEVER THROW AWAY?! I have six knuckleheads and myself so easy math says I should have no more than seven toothbrushes to keep up with. And guess what I hear every. godforsaken. morning... "Mom! I can't find my toothbrush!". Really? Because we have enough for the Salvation Army. And my crew is a bit germaphobic so they think nothing of hiding their toiletries in their bedrooms only to forget where. And when I buy the wholesale club version of toothbrush packs and assign everyone a different color they would die before tossing the old one in case they can't find their new one!
Speaking of germs, I found this treasure the other day when I was refilling the soap dispensers. It's a routine thing to come across something that makes no sense to anyone. A normal person would be like "Whuck?" but no, I'm used to seeing things that never should be together and just go with it because it hurts my brain to investigate nonsense. I never even asked them why a q-tip was stuck in the soap dispenser. I just added more soap and moved on. It's better that way.
And this aint new but it did have a new twist. Opened and emptied glasses, cans and buckets in the fridge is a normal phenomenon at my house that no one owns up to. But this empty glass still had a sonic straw in it. You could go there. Why put an empty glass back in the fridge when the sink is right next to it? Why keep a plastic straw with it? What was the plan here? Why do I hoard chicken base and feed my kids processed cheese? Just stop. Just. Stop.
So my kids found this stray dog. (No good story starts this way) And I said "no way". We are already knee deep in critters, but I did say we would *foster* him until we found him a home. At first I said another pal of theirs had to keep him at their house, so my sneaky six pack decided to clean out an old shed I don't use because it's condemned
Ok, so they actually cleaned something for their own use, so I know they are capable of productive work. I've got that going for me. They worked together without fighting, so I have that rainbow to hold on to. But their sloth caught up with them. They left all this $h*t on the ground by the shed, used my good broom AND did I mention this shed is right outside my bedroom window? They're not so smart as to hide evidence of stuff they wanna keep from me. So I open the window and this is my new view. Until Child Protective Services show up. I'm sure I'm on their speed dial.
But I can't just leave you with this, letting you think the only nonsense I have is with my crew. No, it's in epidemic form lately. My mom has apparently either lost some neurons or wants us to think she has because she doesn't like to communicate with us. She can be creative. My sister sent me this...
As you can see, the next day I kept the fun going. What else can you do?
Getting measured for my straight jacket,
Hey y'all! I appreciate that many of you comment on my posts here through my personal facebook or my mamajulep facebook or send me texts or messages or send a pigeon and all, but it would be great if you could leave some comments here. It looks to others like no one reads my stuff and I can see from my traffic that I get a generous amount of reads. I would like to break into some writing that actually pays a little, so do MamaJulep a favor and put your comments here. They don't automatically show up because I moderate them to keep a few crazy people at bay but I check on them regularly. Thanks!