When I made the decision to leave my former address, it was all about change. Everything would change. And it rattled every cell in my disheveled body. But it was also exciting. I had hope. I missed "hope" and knew it was time. Way past time.
You've been there. It may not have been the end of your marriage but it was a loss or change that shook you. We all experience disappointment and change. There's a sadness in losing the familiar but there's an exhilaration in knowing you have hope to create a future you had not imagined before. I never thought I would be here. It was like an out-of-body experience. What would I do with this new life where I was childless on alternate weekends? I didn't know how to act without my crew strapped to my ankles, screaming that we're out of toilet paper or negotiating chore charts like a senate debate...but I was willing to try!
At first I spent those weekends making a permanent impression in my lazyboy. Most friends were doing the "married with kids" thing and didn't need their pathetic pal being a buzz kill. My single friends seemed to have mastered socializing and dating (an idea which made me want to vomit a little). I had few people to connect with. It was when I started to name my future 37 cats that I decided it was time for Mamajulep to get a life. Maybe I should take a photography class. Or try playing tennis. Everyone had gone nuts about yoga and zumba, maybe I should try it! The slate was so blank and I was all over the place.
|No. Not me. Not ever.|
Something had to give.
So finally a girlfriend decided we should meet after work one Friday night and just be out with the living. It was just a simple stop for a drink and some food. After being a shut-in for so long, I felt like this...
That's when I found out I liked people. I had just not been around the right ones yet. And after that night, everything just kinda snowballed and this new life took off and it strangely felt normal and comfortable (better than my yoga pants!).
And so I was just trying to be normal and be around people and get my compass facing north again, and NOT look for a relationship because what I wanted was friendship. And the very night my girlfriend made me get out in the world was when my compass got it right. In the short time she and I were there, I looked up in the right direction and saw this fella...
Okay. Maybe I didn't encounter Bradley Cooper. But I did encounter a beautiful man who understood me and offered the friendship I needed. Minus the Hefty Bag. But he did kinda have a
And since we had no plans or expectations and just lived in the moments, it was joyful. I eventually had to
That was nearly three years ago. And no situation is perfect. Especially when you throw in seven kids. And his crazy relatives. And my crazier relatives. But in all of this nonsense, even on tough days, we're nauseatingly happy. I'm amazed at where I am these days. I still don't know what my future holds. None of us do. But I do know, my compass is pointing in the right direction these days.
I'm not sure what his blog handle will be yet. I'm having fun with his name. When we started out, a very popular book was read by the female public everywhere. A book which has been made into a movie and premiere's this week at the box office. The leading male character's fictional name is the same name my fella has in the real world. In the early days, it was a little fun and sometimes awkward when folks would tease me about dating CG. I'm guessing I'm about to hear those jokes again. I can promise you we will NOT be seeing that movie this weekend! For today I suppose I will simply call him "my valentine".
Happy Valentine's Day!